Most churches would describe themselves as friendly.
We greet people at the door. We smile. We have volunteers ready to help. We might even give first-time guests a gift.
Those are good things.
But there’s a difference between attending a friendly church and attending a church where you actually have friends.
One makes you feel welcomed when you walk through the door.
The other makes you feel like you belong.
Our ministries need both.
Don’t Build Relationships Alone
One of the biggest mistakes we can make as ministry leaders is believing we have to personally maintain every relationship.
You can’t.
And you shouldn’t.
Your job isn’t simply to be connected. Part of your job is to be a connector.
Introduce the new student to another student instead of only talking to them yourself.
Help the new volunteer develop friendships with other volunteers.
Connect parents with other parents who are walking through the same stage of life.
Create opportunities for leaders to spend time together when they aren’t serving.
If every relationship in your ministry runs through you, you haven’t created a relational culture. You’ve created a relational bottleneck.
The goal is bigger than having a relational ministry leader.
We want a relational ministry.
Build a Culture of Belonging
Here are three questions I think every ministry team should ask:
If a new family showed up this Sunday, how long would it take them to feel like they belong?
Not how long until someone greets them. How long until they have people?
How long would it take a new volunteer to feel like part of the team rather than someone filling a position?
And maybe the hardest question:
If one of our families experienced a crisis tomorrow, would they instinctively turn to their church family – or would they look elsewhere for community and support?
Those questions tell us something about the culture we’re creating.
The goal isn’t simply to create friendly churches.
We want churches where people actually have friends.
There is a difference.
Don’t Hope Relationships Happen
We schedule sermons. We schedule events. We schedule meetings and mission trips.
Why wouldn’t we also be intentional about relationships?
It doesn’t have to be complicated.
Every week: Greet people by name. Introduce someone new. Have a personal conversation. Pray specifically for the people you lead.
Every month: Show up somewhere outside the church. Call a parent. Celebrate a birthday. Send your leaders a personal text that has nothing to do with what you need them to do.
Every quarter: Create an opportunity for people to simply enjoy being together. Have breakfast. Get ice cream. Go bowling. Fish. Play games. Do something that allows people to laugh and build friendships.
Every year: Sit down with your team and ask, “How are we intentionally building relationships this year?”
What gets scheduled has a much better chance of actually happening.
From Friendly to Family
Paul told the church in Thessalonica that he shared with them not only the gospel of God but “our lives as well.”
That kind of ministry can’t stop with us.
We want our students sharing life with one another.
We want our volunteers caring for one another.
We want parents knowing other parents.
We want families who know that when life gets hard, they don’t have to walk through it alone.
The church isn’t merely an event people attend.
It is a spiritual family people belong to.
So take a look at your ministry this week and ask:
Are we just friendly, or are we helping people actually build friendships?
Don’t just build relationships.
Build a ministry where relationships multiply.
State Missionary Josh Meadows serves as student ministry strategist for the Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions. He may be contacted at 1-800-264-1225, ext. 2280, or (334) 613-2280, jmeadows@alsbom.org.